The Anthem of My Life

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. Psalm 73:25

Oh, if only that could be the anthem of my life! I so long to live a radical, sold-out life for Jesus Christ. I desire to reach out, to serve, to spread the richness and beauty of my Savior before I get any older.

I want to push ahead, to seek out and accept challenges with a joyful and willing heart, to do the things that aren't easy. I want to take others by the hand and join in a relentless pursuit of our God. If only I could pull others out of the pit and by God's grace, help them find level ground. I want to be transparent, letting the Holy Spirit shine through me at every angle, that I might disappear and that He might be glorified.

This burden, though I don't understand it, is growing stronger every day, but how can I bring my Savior glory when I can't even accomplish the bare minimum? I burn bridges instead of building them. I tear people down instead of encouraging them. I waste countless hours in procrastination and selfishness instead of redeeming the time.

Oh God, help me to be faithful in the small things! Let my life please You right here, right now. Thank You for supplying me with strength and for upholding me with Your mighty hand. May You and only You be exalted, Lord. Let me yearn for You with all I am! With all I have! To YOU be the glory!!!

Jesus, You satisfy me completely. When I allow Your love to consume my heart, there are no empty spaces left. Your immeasurable love fills every hole, every crack. When my heart is full of You and bursting with Your steadfast love, what more could I possibly want? You fill me completely and You heal this shattered heart. Your love makes me new; it transforms me completely. "Whom have I in heaven but You?" When I have Your all-satisfying love, how could I ever ask for more? Why should I desire more when I have everything in You?

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
1 Corinthians 3:18

Grow Up!

“Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance and of faith toward God.”

Hebrews 6:1

These days it seems like I’m learning a new concept every few hours or so, whether it’s something practical, spiritual, or relational. Many of these supposed “new” things aren’t new at all though. Rather, they’re right under my nose if only I would take the time to read the Word of God with an open and expectant heart.

The first thing I learned was that everything we do in life should be motivated by an overwhelming desire to magnify our Savior. The sad thing about is that I had to go outside the Word of God to realize this, and when I finally did discover this truth, I was amazed by it. Amazed by what though? By the fact that the world didn’t revolve around me after all? My life and the choices I made affected others outside myself? People either will bless or curse my God who I claim to love based on how I think, speak, and act? Is this really so shocking? The Bible has said the same thing for all these years. It’s nothing new.

Fast forward a couple of years to today. Most of what I’ve learned lately concerns the Church, the body of Christ, the people whose actions in the world ultimately represent Jesus Christ to a dying world.

Love. Love is the single most important aspect of a Christian’s life. Everything we believe is based on the fact that God loved us so much that He sent His son to save us from our depravity, and that we were created to love Him with all that is within us. If we cannot love our God with abandon, we cannot sacrificially love our brothers in Christ, and that my friends is how the Bible says that the world identifies us as Christians (John 13:35). In other words, if you cannot love others, you don’t love God(1 John 4:20-21). Period. If we are to be like Christ, and His love is unrelenting, why isn’t the Church being transformed radically, and in turn affecting the world around us?

Truth. Without a love of and a desire for the truth, we will misrepresent our Lord to the unbelieving world. To take away from or add to the truth of God’s Word actually takes the glory that belongs to God alone and puts it upon ourselves as sinful man. Love and truth go hand in hand, much like faith and works cannot exist without one another (see James 2:14-26). Oftentimes I’ve seen one practiced without the other. Revelation 2 speaks of a church that practices truth without love in verses 1-7. The warning against this practice is very sobering. In contrast, verses 18-29 warns those who practice love without a desire for the simple truth of God’s word to straighten up, so to speak. One church seems to have life and love, yet lacks truth. The other has truth, but remains cold and dead, but Jesus said, “I am the way, the TRUTH, and the LIFE” (John 14:6).

May I also remind you that in the pursuit of truth, the single most important ingredient is immersion in the Word. The divine revelation we experience today—our knowledge of Jesus Christ and who He is comes from the Bible. It is our compass, our foundation, our sources of truth. Before you study any other religion or philosophy, you must have a firm and steady diet of God’s Word. Without it, you will fall into error. Also, if you think for one minute that the Bible is boring, the reason is because you don’t read it. I promise!

Freedom. Freedom from sin and condemnation is something we’ve been given through Christ. There is no reason whatsoever to dwell on who we’ve been or what we’ve done because we have been cleansed by the blood of Christ. We can know that we are wretched sinners, undeserving of God’s grace apart from Jesus, but through Him we are of infinite value to our Heavenly Father. There is nothing we can ever do, nothing we HAVE to do once we are saved to attain eternal life. Rather, the works we do, the passion we have for our Savior will overflow out of us as an outward expression of what He has done in our hearts.

I wish the American Church would return to the simple truth of the gospel, apart from extra-biblical signs and wonders, and apart from legalistic rules and regulations that do nothing whatsoever for ourselves or those around us. The fact that we were sinners and Christ died for us is enough. Now let us grow up and give our all to God!!!

Learning Contentedness

Just a little while ago, I was looking at my facebook news feed, and something grabbed my attention. Let me back up a bit before I explain:

The last two months have been literally life-changing. For months on end, I was frustrated with everything in life, not feeling like my life or anything I did counted for much of anything. It seemed that everything I touched turned to dust. I looked at everything and everyone with a critical eye. It felt like God was closing door after door, and the harder I tried to hold on, the further things would slip from my grasp.

I remember driving home one night after a meeting with my college group. With tears in my eyes, I felt the deepest sense of hopelessness I’d ever experienced. What was wrong with me? That’s the question I asked myself over and over. I remember telling my brother over the phone that there was nothing holding me back from leaving the place I lived. I kept posting depressing things on facebook, crying out for help without really understanding why.

The funny thing is, many times you can tell the difference between the people who actually care and the ones who don’t in situations such as these. I think that some people thought I was trying to gain sympathy. Let me encourage you, my readers, to look beyond the surface. Sometimes your critical heart deceives you. Sometimes people really do need love and encouragement. It’s our job to be sensitive to the work of the Holy Spirit—to listen to Him when He speaks. Obey Him! I’ll never forget my mom, my brother, and the two precious families who actually reached out to me in love, to see what was weighing me down. They took the time to listen as well as encourage.

God’s timing is perfect in every way. He moved me from the place of misery and doubt just in time. About a month after I first heard about the idea, I was moving to a new place with a sweet and caring family, ministering alongside them in our local church, and meeting another part of the body of Christ—a part that I can only describe as “doers of the Word, and not hearers only.” Everything fell into place perfectly.

I know that some people question my motives and actions in this seemingly drastic move. The truth is, listening to and obeying the Holy Spirit is not radical at all. It’s what we ought to do if we really love our Savior, right? Maybe you think the decision was made too quickly. Little do you know, God has been bringing this about for much longer than you realize. Although prayer is absolutely essential in our decisions, not everything takes years upon years of thoughts, prayer, and counsel. Not all counsel is wise counsel either. Oftentimes advice is given in an effort to appear knowledgeable or to pressure others into doing what we think they ought to do.

What I have learned through all of this is that no one’s approval matters but God’s. I constantly struggle with doing everything in an attempt to please the people around me. It makes me a weak, timid, indecisive pushover. I’m tired of living that way. “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10.

So the comment I made in the beginning about noticing something different while on facebook? Well, it’s relatively simple. My attitude toward it is completely different. I used to get so angry reading stupid, shallow posts. It’s a bit of a long story really, but to sum it up, in learning not to care of what others think of me, I’ve learned that my opinion of people and what they had to say shouldn’t be so critical, because it’s only my opinion—me, a sinful human being. No matter how people act, I’m to treat them with the love of Christ. In this, God is teaching me how to be content in every circumstance, and through it, to love Him more. That, my friends, is how I can love you. (1 John 4:20) I’m not perfect, but I am a work in progress.

Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do what pleases Him. 1 John 3:21-22

Conquering My Greatest Fear

When I was a little girl, I was fearless. I loved to sing, even on stage. I never felt nervous, never gave a second thought toward self-consciousness. No one criticized me or mocked my voice. I never lacked confidence. In elementary, I would spend an entire recess singing every song I could think of on the playground. One time another little girl asked me if I was going to be a singer when I grew up. I don't think I realized how much music was a part of me.

One day (I'm still not quite sure when), something changed and I snapped like a broken twig. Criticism. It was some time between my barbie and boyband phases. I was singing along to my favorite CD when my friend turned to me, gave me a weird look, and said, "You sing funny." A few months later another friend told me nearly the same thing. Insecurity consumed me in an instant, bottling up and sealing my singing voice somewhere deep inside for the next few years. I stopped singing in church. I would stand with everyone else but my lips remained motionless. I refused to hum a single note for my friends or family. Music was dead in my lungs.

Fast forward a few years... at age eleven I decided I wanted to play guitar, so I received a cheap acoustic Yamaha for Christmas. It sat in my room collecting dust for the next year until my parents agreed to let me have guitar lessons. With every new worship song I learned, a desire grew to sing again. I started mouthing the words to worship songs in church, but I still refused to sing out loud. Finally my voice came out. Very quietly, I sang "Blessed Be Your Name" in my room with the door shut, hoping that no one would hear me.

Eight months later I became the worship leader for my youth group--the worship leader who refused to sing. The first year or so was disastrous. I wasn't good and I knew it. I made others sing for me while I "led" with my guitar. Over time, I pushed my voice to sing more and more, harder and louder, but it wasn't easy. Constant criticisms and comparisons to the previous worship leader knocked me down repeatedly. I was obsessed with others' opinions of me. I thought I had to live up to their expectations because if I didn't, I was a failure vocally.

The Lord provided me with multiple opportunities to serve Him through music. In high school I played occasionally for chapel services at my school, but I would never sing into the microphone and I would never play alone. Still, I had to sing, even though my voice was quiet. The older I became, the more the lyrics I sang came alive to me--they meant everything to me!

The summer after high school I worked at a Christian camp several miles from home. I grew closer to the Lord than I had ever been before in my life that summer. It was there that my voice crept out of hiding. I spent hours after work sitting on the sandy beach, worshiping without shame. No one could keep me from singing to my Savior!

To this day I struggle with hearing the sound of my own voice lifted up in song. Whenever someone comes along with a better singing voice than me, my insecurity comes back in full force. For every compliment I'm given in regards to my singing, I receive two criticisms--one from friends or acquaintances and one from myself. Sometimes I wish I knew the truth. Is my singing really that awful? I've almost given up more times than I can count. I doubt every compliment as well as the unmistakable calling to music I felt so strongly in eighth grade.

This is my struggle, and though I don't understand it, I can't be silent. My Savior must be praised! My soul must sing! I know my voice is weak, but how can I keep it in when when the music is bursting forth from my heart?!!

My question is this: Is it really necessary to tear someone down and cause them permanent grief in the name of keeping them humble? Is this really our job? The words we say have a profound effect on people. If we feel the need to set others straight, shouldn't we, after prayerful consideration, take our brother aside without pride and arrogance, and lovingly explain the truth with tears in our eyes instead of smug expressions on our faces? Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that we should puff one another up with flattery and falsehood.

Maybe my story is pathetic and meaningless to you. Maybe you wonder why I don't just get over it and quit worrying about man's opinion. As I mentioned earlier, this is my struggle--this is what I deal with on a daily basis. I didn't write this entry to acquire anyone's pity or to receive compliments. I wrote it to cause readers to consider their words and the effect they have on others.

After all, my greatest fear is that all the criticism might be true...

The Lost Arts of True Love and Friendship

     Friends are a rare find these days, real friends that is. It seems to me like loyalty is a thing of the past, faithfulness is long forgotten, and selflessness is unheard of. I’ve heard it said many times that in order to have friends, one has to be a friend. In other words it takes effort on both sides. It means placing a friend’s wants and needs above our own. It means listening to a friend even when we think what we have to say is more significant. When they argue, we have to stop demanding that we’re right, even when we know we are. Of course there are exceptions, but generally those who make the effort to be the best friends HAVE the best friends.

     I don’t understand what it is today that makes people (particularly girls) throw their closest friends under the bus for the sake of their own selfish ambitions, be it the fleeting attention from someone of the opposite sex or what have you. What ever happened to integrity, which is simply doing the right thing whether anyone else is there to watch—stopping gossip in it’s tracks in order to protect a friend’s reputation? Even if someone isn’t our friend, can’t we still be a friend to them, or has love already died in our hearts? Love isn’t simply a touchy feely thing we feel toward those who do nice things for us. Rather it’s a conscious decision to put someone else before ourselves, no matter how much they don’t deserve it. Not only is it unconditional, but it isn’t always nice. Love means letting someone know when they’re falling. Does anyone believe in that anymore? True love?

     Another thing I don’t understand, though I’ll admit I’m very much guilty of it myself, is why [we] girls go around talking behind each other’s backs, living lives of jealousy and dissention and hating each other, yet being honey-sweet to each other’s faces. It’s disgusting. Why can’t we, adults included, grow up and get over ourselves? Literally.

     Jesus said that there is no greater love than a man giving up his life for a friend, but who would actually do that? Not me. Do we even have that capacity to love? Do we understand that love isn’t simply being nice to someone? It is so much deeper than mere kindness.

     What would happen if we loved? What would happen if we treated someone the way they don’t deserve to be treated—with love and compassion? How much more would the world around us be affected?